please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize