he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
