i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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