I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
