I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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