no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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