I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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