i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
