I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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