I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She bit a glass in half.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
