Don't you send me to vm
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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