this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
