My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
