Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
