Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
