I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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