I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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