im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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