Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
