fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Green mimosas i think yes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize