You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
