Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
