so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
