Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
