Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
