I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
