I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
