ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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