some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
