I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This toilet bowl is my home.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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