i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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