is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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