I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
