If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
