Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
