When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
