You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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