you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
