I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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