maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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