I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize