Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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