In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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