I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
