SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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