in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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