I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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