I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
