i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
