I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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