did you get engaged???
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
