So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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