you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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