If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
