eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
