Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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