I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
