forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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