New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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