Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Barsexuality is the new black.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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