I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The ass gains better be worth it
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