i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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