Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
