maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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