you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
