I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
