im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
